i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
