Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize