Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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