i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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