I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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