My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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