i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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