that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Floor bacon is actually really good
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
