She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is my gift to your gina
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
