We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
