do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
