remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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