Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
