call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
