he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
