Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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