Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
