Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
