She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
