She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
