We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
