I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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