just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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