Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
