Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
