well I can't set my house on fire every night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
