So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
