I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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