Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
