Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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