hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
