what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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