she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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