i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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