What a fucking waste of an outfit
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
