are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
4 words: hood of his car
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
