win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize