Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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