i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
