It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My bed smells like the plague
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
