I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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