I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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