wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize