you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize