Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is

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(850): View more from Florida

Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?

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(858): View more from California

I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.

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(678): View more from Georgia

he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.

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(765): View more from Indiana

I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS

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