that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
