I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
