my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
