I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
