cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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