Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
