booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
try to milk me bitch
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
