Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
