Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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