Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
