Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
