she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
