Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Alive.
So much puke
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
