I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
