So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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