i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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