Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
