That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
