laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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