Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
