Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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