There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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