I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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