I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
