The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
